


Apocalypse

by xDemonPonx



Category: Alice Nine
Genre: Gen, accidental magic mushrooms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-19
Updated: 2014-09-19
Packaged: 2018-02-17 23:56:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2327804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xDemonPonx/pseuds/xDemonPonx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alice Nine go camping. Hilarity ensues</p>
            </blockquote>





	Apocalypse

**Author's Note:**

> Written just over a year ago when Shou got his driver's license and said he'd like to take Alice Nine camping but they'd probably die. Written just after me and some friends took our own camping trip and some events may or may not be based on that. Freedom is my friend's horse AND SHE SERIOUSLY IS LIKE THAT . No REAL pairing but ShouPon if you SQUINT~

Shou pulled the tan pickup truck he had rented outside Hiroto's, his last stop. The young man was waiting outside with a big grin on his face. He tossed his small green bag and blue sleeping bag into the back and climbed into the front.

"You don't have much" Shou commented.

"Of course not" Hiroto replied "You and Tora-sshi were in charge of tents and Nao-sshi was on food duty...."

"Oh crap, the tents!" chorused Tora and Shou.

"Don't tell me you forgot them" Saga groaned and dropped his head in his hands.

"Hey, at least we realized now and not when we got there" injected Nao.

"Still, how could they forget tents? That's basic" said Hiroto.

Shou turned the truck around and headed back to his apartment. Arriving, he switched off the ignition and took the keys. A few minutes later he returned with a purple tent bag. After a few minutes of staring into the back, he opened the door.

"How am I supposed to fit anything in with all the food Nao brought?" he demanded.

"I just didn't want us to starve" Nao pouted.

"Nao, we're going for 2 days not 2 WEEKS" Shou sighed.

Eventually, the tent bag was squeezed in alongside Tora, Saga and Nao. A few minutes later, Shou pulled up outside Tora's house. Tora clambered over Nao and got out, walking fast into his house. A few minutes later, he returned empty-handed looking confused.

"Guys" he said, opening the door "Can you help me please? I can't find it"

Everyone sighed and climbed out.

"Why did we trust you with this?" Saga moaned.

"Who were we going to trust, you? The tents would be filled with people haveng sex" Tora retorted.

"Guys, stop, let's just help him find the tent and enjoy our weekend" Nao said.

"Nao, stay out of this!" both men yelled in unison.

Nao just shook his head, at least they agreed on something.

As soon as they walked in, as if by instinct, Chiken made a beeline for Shou and started climbling over him.

"ACHOO~" Shou sneezed loudly.

"Shou!" yelled Tora.

"What? It's not my fault I'm allergic!"

"Shou" Nao slid in between them "Why don't you wait outside?"

"No" Shou pouted "I want to find it and leave as fast as possible"

"Just go, I don't want you sneezing and whining!" Tora demanded.

"Go wait in the truck Shou, we won't be long" assured Nao.

Reluctantly, Shou pouted and walked out.

Everyone took a different room; Hiroto, the living room; Saga, the dining room; Tora, the bedroom; Nao, the basement. Hiroto moved the sofa, overturned cushions and shifted all the furniture. Saga pulled off the tablecloth to look under the table. Tora pulled everything out from draws and closets. Suddenly, Hiroto's voice floated from the hall.

"Hey Tora, it's not this tent by the door is it?"

Tora and Saga came into the hall. Tora nodded and without even a word of thanks, went downstairs to fetch Nao.

The basement was...unrecognizable. Everything down there had been moved and was now strewn haphazard, as if a tornado had hit it. Nao's butt was poking out from behind a box.

"Nao...what did you DO to my basement?"

"I was just trying to help" Nao pouted, sitting up.

"Whatever, you're helping me tidy when we get back. Anyway, we found it" Tora huffed.

The two went back upstairs and all four headed outside.

"We found it!" Tora announced to Shou as he climbed in.

" _I_ found it, you're welcome" sniffed Hiroto.

"Guys, what does it matter who found it? We did, let's just go and enjoy ourselves" said Nao

"He could have at least THANKED me" muttered Hiroto, folding his arms.

The rest of the drive was uneventful apart from Shou taking a wrong turn but thanks to Nao's patience and navigational skills, they only lost about ten minutes.

They arrived at the entrance and parked the truck. The place they planned to camp was deep in the woods with no roads; the only way to reach it was on horseback, there was no way a person could hike there.

As everyone unloaded, Nao piped up "How am I going to get all this food up there?”

“Maybe you should have thought of that before you brought enough food for ten people for several moths” Saga snorted.

They divided up the food and headed for the horse rental. When they had the horses, Shou looked at his mare, a beautiful brown Indian Bay named Freedom.

“How do I get on?” he whined.

Hiroto gave him a look that clearly said 'are you serious?', sighed and helped Shou up.

“Now, where do I hold on?” he whined again.

This time, Hiroto actually said “Are you for real Shou? Hold on to the REINS!”

Shou shut his mouth and took the reins. When all five were situated and the baggage sorted, they moved out. As they headed up the almost non-trail, Shou noted how this would be impossible for a human. The warm sun barely penetrated into the thick of the trees, the leaf cover making the men almost shiver. Signs dotted along the trail plainly showed them where to go. As they rode in silence, they could hear sounds of birds and cicadas. This place was as far away from humanity as one could get.

After about an hour 30 minutes, they arrived at a clearing in the forest. The sun was a welcome relief after the almost total darkness of the leaf canopy. In the middle of the clearing was a wooden picnic table, fire pit and a tap with water. Jumping down, they teathered the horses to trees.

“There's my good girl Freedom” Shou patted his mare who gave him a strange look and aimed a kick for him as he dodged out of the way.

The men unloaded the bags which was harder for Shou as he was dodging kicks. Eventually, everything was unloaded and dumped on the table. Hiroto extracted the first aid supplies he had brought which included bug spay and sun block and everyone slathered both on. Before anything, they decided food should be put in the cooler. Saga opened one bag. Chocolate. Tora opened another. More chocolate. Saga opened a third. Marshmallows. Tora almost dreaded opening another. Graham crackers.

“Nao” Saga sighed “Did you bring ANYTHING besides s'mores?”

“Sure” he replied “There's some burgers somewhere”

“What about NUTRITION?” demanded Tora.

Nao looked down in silence.

“Nao” said Hiroto after a few minutes “Tell me you brought things to drink.”

“I brought food, I was told food” answered Nao.

“Most people would assume that means food and drink!” Saga practically spat.

“Guys, guys, calm down, we have water” Nao said.

“Oh great, two days of water” Shou muttered.

Tora sighed and walked over to the tap to fill a bottle with water which he placed in the cooler under he burgers. The vast amounts of choclate were also put in the cooler so the boiling sun didn't melt them.

When the food was sorted, the tents were erected. Tora's would comfortably fit three but Shou's tent which was decided to be shared by Shou and Hiroto was tiny.

“How on earth will we both fit in that?” Hiroto raised an eyebrow.

“We'll be fine we'll just have to squeeze close” grinned Shou.

They tossed their bags inside the tents.

“Tell me someone thought to bring wood” said Hiroto

Everyone stared back blankly.

“We're in a FOREST” Tora pointed out.

“They have RULES against that!” Shou supplied

Nao sighed “I saw someone selling wood at the entance. I'll be back.”

The rest sat down around the table. After about 30 minutes, Shou stood up to stretch his limbs. As he walked near Freedom, she aimed another kick. “Crazy horse hates me” he mumbled.

Hours later, Nao returned with wood “Okay, now, who's strong enough to chop all this?”

Everyone looked at Shou “But I didn't bring a hatchet~” he whined.

“It's alright, I did!” Hiroto bounced and fetched it.

Shou got to work on the wood, making comments about how no one would help when some bits proved to be tough and they laughed at him.

When the wood was all chopped into managable-sized logs, they got to work builing a fire which proved to be difficult. A burning peice of paper was dropped in only to go out it a few minutes. Leaves and torn up paper were thrown in as kindling and this time when a leaf was set alight, Tora poured in some starter fluid. For a few seconds, flames leaped and danced before subsiding again. Eventually, after about half a bottle of starter fluid and using sticks to poke, a fire merrily blazed away.

Freedom stomped a hoof impatiently. “Oh no, we left all the tack on!” Shou said.

The five moved quickly to their horses to remove saddle, blankets etc. As they moved, Freedom shuffled her hindquaters, stomping impatiently. A well aimed kick connected with Shou's leg and he collapsed in pain. A strangled sound escaped from his mouth followed by a string of expletives. Nao rushed over, knelt down and examined Shou's leg

“It's swollen but it doesn't look too bad” he declared “Just rest it. You're lucky, she could really have hurt you.”

“She DID really hurt me” Shou grumbled as Nao lifted him over to the bench and propped his leg up. Freedom just stood there with a look of pride.

Hiroto finished taking the tack off his black horse, Patriot. He stepped towards Freedom.

“That's it, good girl” he put his hand in his pocket and fished out a peppermint. He held it on a hand out to Freedom who took the treat gratefully. As Hiroto removed the tack, she lovingly nuzzled him.

“Good girl” he laughed, stroking her mane. She neighed affectionately as Hiroto worked on her.

“There girl, now you're free!” he said as he finished. She licked Hiroto's cheek before he walked away, causing the young man to giggle.

They all placed the tack on the table and sat down.

“I'll make s'mores!” volunteered Tora.

He wandered over to the trees and found a stick which he began to whittle down. While he did that, Hiroto pulled out his iPod Touch and tweeted that they were camping and had settled.

Tora piled a paper plate high with s'mores. Nao took one and made a face after one bite

“Tora.....how do you ruin marshmallows?”

“What do you mean? They're fine. Besides, I didn't see you helping” he retorted.

Hiroto took one and took a bite “Tora-sshi, he's right, what did you do?”

Tora folded his arms and glared darkly. Hiroto tweeted again 'Tora somehow messed up s'mores'.

Saga looked wistful “If I was at home, I'd have some popato chips and be watching 'special movies' right now.”

“Why did you even come then?” Shou asked.

Tweet: 'Saga misses his porn'

“Guys, we all came to have fun” Nao cut in.

A few hours later and everyone was hungry

“I'll cook us burgers!” Tora said.

“Tora, are you sure that's a good idea after the s'mores?” Saga asked skeptically.

“Of course! I'm going to make up for that!”

Saga just sighed.

The fire pit had a grill cover which Tora pulled over and piled burgers on. A few minutes later and they were put in buns and heaped onto a plate. Shou took one and took a bite

“Umm Tora.....did you COOK these?”

“You saw me!”

“It's still cold” he examined it “It's still PINK!”

“I didn't see you get off your butt to help!”

“Guys guys” said Nao “It was just an accident, just put them back on for a second.”

“Oh Nao, give it a rest, he's being a whiny bitch” said Tora.

Nao looked hurt.

“As opposed to a guy who thinks he's special just because he can't even cook burgers?” Shou suggested.

Tora glared and put the burgers back on the grill “Just you wait.”

Tweet: 'Tora is cooking. We will die!'

“HIROTO!” yelled Saga “STOP DAMN TWEETING!”

“Just letting the fans know why we're dead if Tora's cooking kills us!”

Tora threw Hiroto a dirty look “SHUT UP!”

“Now guys-” Nao began

“Oh Nao, shut UP!” interrupted Tora

Nao gave him a look of utter disbelief before running for the tent. A few minutes later, Shou poked his head in “The burgers are really ready this time if you'll join us.”

Nao sniffed and clambered out.

The burgers were eaten in silence apart from the tap of Hiroto tweeting, causing Saga to glare.

The evening was spent with the men talking and laughing. Every so often, someone would make s'mores, although Tora was never allowed to again.

At about midnight, everyone turned in to sleep. Shou unrolled his sleeping bag, Hiroto said “I can't even FIT mine what am I supposed to do?”

Shou sighed and opened his up “Squeeze in with me.”

“You'll rape me!” he joked before shaking his head and crawling in and snuggling next to Shou.

Sometime in the night, Shou was awoken by a strange noise but he ignored it and cuddled back with Hiroto who was snoring softly.

When they arose in the moring and all sleepily exited the tents, they all immediately noticed something wrong.

“Where the hell are the HORSES?” Saga paniced.

“Did we not tie them up properly?” asked Shou.

“Well, whatever, they're gone and we're stranded, I'm not QUITE sure what could be worse!” Hiroto yelled hysterically.

“Hiroto, it's okay” comforted Nao “You have your iPod, just tweet someone to help us.”

Hiroto nodded and started to tap out a tweet. As he did so, the screen went black.

“NOW we're stranded” supplied Tora.

Shou sighed and walked towards the cooler which he saw even from a distance was open

“What?” he ran to it and saw it was empty “Who didn't close the cooler properly?” Everyone looked blank “Well, this is just great!” Shou said in exasperated tones “Stuck in the wilderness with no food!”

“Calm down Shou, we'll just find food ourselves” Nao assured.

Shou looked skeptical as Saga volunteered to hunt for food. He wandered into the trees and retuned a few hours later he returned laden with mushrooms.

“If only I had a pan to sautee them....” said Nao.

“Well, whose fault is it you don't?” replied Tora.

Nao ignored this as everyone began to munch the mushrooms.

“Woah guys!” said Hiroto “When did the trees start dancing?”

Tora stood up and immediately fell back down “Look guys, I'm a cow!” he laughed and began eating grass.

“Woah Tora” Nao pulled him up “Don't eat yellow grass. Or....yellow snow I think that is. Don't eat yellow snow.”

“Saga, where did you find these?” asked Shou.

“I don't know. The forest. I'm no mushroom expert” Saga snorted and inexplicably started laughing.

Hiroto giggled and said something unintelligable.

“Okay, enough mushrooms for YOU!” Shou tried to take Hiroto's plate away.

“NO! Mine!” Hiroto held on fast and crammed the rest of the mushrooms in his mouth. “Ha ha. Shou, when did yo grow a grow a green beard?”

Shou shook his head. Why did HE have to stay sane while the others acted weird?

“Come on Shou, don't be such a poopyhead” said Tora “He he....poopyhead....your head looks kind of like a poop!”

Shou shook  his head again, raised his eyes to the sky and prayed to any deity that might be listening that he survived this.

Hours later and everyone was calm again.

“I'll never see 'I Love My Sister' again~” whined Saga.

“My twitter followers will think I died~” bemoaned Hiroto.

“We have no food~” lamented Nao.

Shou stood up “I'm going to forage for berries” Saga looked up “No Saga and NO MUSHROOMS!” he added.

A few hours later, he returned with a scant amount of berries “This was all I could find” he said apologetically as Nao looked crestfallen.

The small amount of berries were divided up although after an unsatisfying meal, Hiroto wished he had some of those mushrooms again.

When it was dark and everyone turned in, Hiroto crept into Shou's sleeping bag again, glad for the extra heat on this cold night.

He was awoken in the morning to the sound of Shou screaming. He sat up and saw Shou gazing into a mirror. He couldn't quite understand what was wrong.

“Look, MY HAIR! Look what two days of not styling it has done!”

Hiroto honestly couldn't see a problem. He blinked and continued to look confused as they exited the tent. 

The men sat around the table looking forlorn and hungry.

“I have some mints in my pocket?” Hiroto suggested.

“Oh, great meal” said Tora sarcastically.

“Oh forget it, I was just OFFERING!” Hiroto huffed.

“Now, now, no need to get touchy, we're all a little hungry” said Nao.

At that moment, a noise came from Shou and Hiroto's tent.

“My cell!” exclaimed Hiroto.

“Are you telling me” Tora began “That you had a cell and you never THOUGHT of calling anyone?”

“It never occurred to me” pouted Hiroto.

“Well, don't just sit there, call someone!”

Hiroto scampered to find his cell and called down to the horse rental.

A few minutes later, he go off the phone and smiled as he delivered the news to his friends “Our horses got spooked by something and ran back down there. They're sending someone up with horses right now, we just need to pack and tidy up.”

It didn't take long to pack up and gather all the garbage.

When the guide arrived with the horses, Shou saw Freedom again and she aimed a kick as he approached.

“She hates me” moaned Shou.

“All you have to do is pat her like this” the guide said, scratching her mane in a certain spot. Shou did the same and she nuzzled him lovingly. He shook his head and climbed on.

They were led back down to the entrance, piled their things in the truck and climbed in to be taken home. Nao, then Tora, then Saga, then Hiroto.

  
  
Not long after Nao arrived home, he received a call. Tora. “Hey Nao, you need to help me clean my basement...”   
  


 


End file.
